Hello friends and family. It has been quite some time since I have written to you all, and some of you may or may not know how my life has been changed.
When I first started this site, I was so focused on my weight loss journey, and boy we can see how that worked out for me. There are so many journeys' in one's life that takes us down different paths, and helps us to cross paths of those we need in our lives during this time phrase. Let me digress back a few hundred years (LOL)!. My life started out as usual with being in love at that time with a high school sweet heart, and ended up having my first baby when, I was 17 years old, and getting married, and during the course of this marriage, I had 2 more children so 2 boys and 1 girl, with whom I love with all my heart, and they all grew up to be phenomenal young men and women! This part of my life I would not change for the world. This was in my younger years to young adult hood. Then life took a road very differently and took courage and self respect to change my road path, which I did.
But alas this path then lead me down some dark streets, and took me a hot minute to learn this was not the path for me, and I made a valiant effort to change this path and thus, I put my self thru school, started a coding career, and learned to love myself. During this course of self love, I met this wonderful person and we fell in love. Let me tell you. We met dancing, and he was so handsome and had the biggest smile I had ever seen. Well our love story starts in July 2000, and we dated for an entire year, and he asked me to marry him, and I of course said "no" times 2 then the third time I said yes! We were married on November 17, 2001 and have been together for the entire time of our life together.
Our life together took us down some very difficult roads, and some time joyous roads together, and we survived all them. Then one day out of the blue he began to not feel well, and like so many men, they do not let us know what is going on, so we continued to live our lives as normal as possible. Until one day the illness become so prominent we had to break down and go to the hospital, and he ended up staying for 7 days. The Dr were never able to figure out what was wrong or what caused him to have this illness, and to this day we will never know. I know from that moment of thanksgiving til Christmas changed us both in different ways. We began to focus on our eating habits, and lifestyle we were living and we had a made a pact to change on January 2020, however, that pact went to heaven with him on Christmas morning.
We were able to enjoy our last meal together which was Christmas eve, and we talked and joked about our childhood memories of what we thought were important to us back then. You see this man had the biggest heart and loving soul that you could ever meet. He was always caring about me, others and never allowing me to care for him during this time. He would say "mom" it will be alright, I am ready when "God" wants me and you need to be strong and it favorite line was "you need to become a Nun" when I die! WOW, I always would love at that saying, you are not going to die before me. WOW was I ever wrong.
Christmas morning came and when I woke up he was sleeping peacefully on the couch and went to heaven to be with the lord, and his family and my life has been forever changed from this point on. You see, we were one person, together Cheryl and Poppi, and then we became only "Cheryl" and this is the most difficult change to endure in one's life. This was not by choice to become only "Cheryl" this was by the law of life and death. So the question becomes how do we change, and how do we become one with oneself after living 19 years with the one you love? If you know the answer please enlighten me as to this I do know!
I had to learn how to go the store by myself, and really focus on what I needed to buy, as he was not there for me to buy for, then going out to eat with friends to our favorite restaurants was the biggest yet, and learning to overcome driving in my car by myself, as we went everywhere together, work, shopping and just hanging out. So to those that have never lost one so close to your heart be mindful of the words you say to them as they can be hurtful without you truly meaning for them to be. Everyone is feeling the loss of this person and this breaks my heart even more, as I cannot fix this broken wing.
We are now in the month of February and we surpassed the one month anniversary of his death, and sometimes it still seems surreal, and I am still waiting for him to come through the door, and smile at me saying hey "Mommy" I am home did you miss me! I of course will cry and say silly, I missed you everyday you were gone!
So now we are onto another chapter in our life and learning how to move on past this devastating loss we have endured. That will be for another day. Just know I miss him and miss our walks, hugs and love daily.
Be at peace my sweet angel and until we meet again!
Love you! Me!
Comments